Return of the Nazi Dance Patrol

Euan McKenzie 1991

It doesn't matter if the last gig you went to see was some cataclysmically heavy death metal band or a jangly sounding indie band. If you stand near the front at one of these gigs you're liable to be on the receiving end of some fat idiot throwing his arms about like Jackie Chan, as he system-atically attempts to beat living shite out of every-one in the audience. Funnily enough a lot of people seem to be getting very annoyed by this sort of behavior and in the punk scene especially many bands are putting across the message that even though the music is loud and fast the dancing doesn't need to be arm-breakingly violent.Now I would have to say that I do agree with this.If people want to act like this they should go and join a boxing club.There they could punch each other into oblivion leaving the rest of us to get on with the important job of enjoying the music. It's more likely however that they'll keep coming to gigs and keep on taking command of the dance floor (tough crap if you're young female or small, you won't stand a chance).

Violence on the dance floor is less fun than attending a Tory party conference (or a Labour one for that matter,) and it should stop now, but what's going to replace it? Well, sorry everyone but it seems that the alternative may be just as bad. From what I've seen and heard at recent gigs it looks like the Nazi Dance Police are here and if you so much as breath on the person next to you at your next Fugazi/Mega City 4/Obituary gig then they're gonna send you to Coventry - straight edge style.

It's steadily going from one extreme to another and while I didn't care much for the first I really don't like the second either. If I go to see a punk or thrash band I don't mind if the crowd is a bit rough. I expect to get jostled and if I bump into somebody I expect them to accept it as well and not bother about it. So why is it that some people I know now expect everyone to stay within their own invisible bit of body-space and not move outside it? If I wanted to dance like that I would chuck my Doom records in the bin (a lot of people think I should do that anyway,) and listen to Chris de Burgh instead. I didn't rate "Lady in Red" much so I'll keep on jiggin' and if I bump into someone not dancing so mad I'll apologise but I'll keep on dancing There's no way I'll bow down to anyone who all of a sudden can't stand any physical contact at a gig , not that they're doing it to be fashionable or anything. Oh no, they're completely serious about it.

Whether or not they mean it I find it really annoying that people should take such a righteous, high an' mighty attitude over an issue that should revolve around common sense, not some sort of punk dictatorship.

Anyway I'm off to see Extreme-Bolt -Death-Polloi-Bastard-Amebi-Sect at the Cambridge Gravel-pits. I'd like to jump around a bit but I know that the N.D.P are watching over me.

I suppose I'll just have to shuffle from one foot to another."Shaz! Trace! , where did I leave my hand-bag?"